Hearing Aid Stickers

I finished testing someone today and found that they had absolutely no hearing loss. As he was leaving he asked Barb, (PCC in Lisle), if he could have a badge. As in "I passed my hearing test today and get to wear this sticker around now!" This would be fine if the patient were say under 10 years old but he was at least 44 years old and dead serious!

"Can I have a Badge?"

Sure, pick one out and while your at it why not stop at the store on your way home and purchase a big box of manliness because you have a serious problem.

Repossesed Hearing Aid

Watch the video through to the end. It does relate to hearing aids at the end of the video.

I just wanted to introduce everyone to our newest employee. Bubba the repo man.

The New Water-Proof Hearing Aid

Currently available for a few hundred to a few thousand dollars...

Fun With Old Hearing Aids

Scandalous Tell-All Book Just Released: Growing Up The Son Of Dennis Watson by Curtis Watson

Following in the footsteps of former White House aid Scott MacClellan and former counter-terrorism czar Dick Clarke Curtis Watson's soon to be released tell-all book chronicles his life under Dennis Watson's family administration. Reportedly this in-depth biography tells of a father intricately involved in the life of his son.

"My dad was at every single one of my sports events growing up."

Curtis says,

"He even coached a few of my baseball teams. He always said things like, 'I'm proud of you' and 'Good try.' I mean he was, you know, there for me and all; but he gave me absolutely no youthful angst to make for a good rags-to-riches sports story."

In a recent TV interview regarding his book Curtis Watson is seen tearfully explaining that because of his father's attention to his games has made it impossible for his early sports career to be made into a movie.One chapter in the book is devoted entirely to Curtis' failed career as an artist. He explains,

"I would sit in my room and try to find some inner turmoil or abusive event in my life to catapult me into creating a great piece of art. But, unfortunately all I could think of were happy memories in a supportive, and healthy family environment."

He continues,

"Seriously, how did my parents think I was supposed to succeed as an artist with no dark over-arching sadness to draw from? It's really sad how selfish my parents were by deciding to provide me with love and comfort at home instead of bitterness and unresolved conflict."

Another heart-wrenching story in his book recounts how Curtis' was doomed to be unpopular with some of the other kids at school. The book detail's how his father would check to see if he was doing his homework.

"A lot of the other kids would just do their homework when they felt like it but I was stuck with a family who actually cared if I succeeded in life. Each night I would have to pull out my folders from class and my Dad would actually help me with my math problems."

Curtis recalled,

"I even remember one time I was supposed to give a speech in front of my class the next day and had only partially prepared for the project. That night my dad walked me through the process of writing my outline on 3x5 cards and rehearsing in front of the mirror. For goodness sakes, couldn't he have just sat in front of the TV with a beer in his hand and ignored me like any other inattentive parent out there!?"

One surprising chapter in this tell-all book talks of how Dennis Watson consistently put his own career 2nd behind the needs of his family. Curtis writes,

"I could have been the bratty, spoiled, drug-riddled child of a senator or congressman, maybe even a supreme court judge but instead my dad chose to be home most evenings to read stories to me and even play catch when I needed some extra practice."

Some other disturbing memories recounted in this autobiography tell the story of a father who regularly took his family on vacation, took his children out weekly for lunches, read good literature to them nightly, showered them with praise at their successes and wept with them at their failures. Curtis' book also vividly recalls a father who showed his sons how to love a women by honoring, respecting and providing for his own bride, Nancy Watson. Again, Curtis writes,

"By now I could have been divorced twice and had at least three restraining orders from various failed relationships but once again I'm hopelessly tied to some knee-jerk principles that my father modeled for me growing up!"

Originally, Curtis book was optioned by Miramax Films with intent to make it into an Independent film. Harvey Weinstein of Miramax films explains,

"When I heard about Curtis' book I immediately bought the movie rights. Unfortunately, as I read his first draft I decided that the story was much to wholesome for our audiences. Our film-going crowds want to see stories that are more sick and twisted than Curtis'. Give me a Great Santini -type story or maybe thrown in some real drama like repressed memories, or ill-legitimate children, or possibly even a 'My dad was a secret-nazi-cross-dressing-cowboy-with-three-heads' type story and then maybe people would come to see it. No, I decided to sell the rights to the Hallmark channel who in turn decided the best medium was to adapt Curtis story into a series of cheesy greeting cards."

The associated press just reported this week that Curtis is coming out with a follow-up piece to his best-selling work. The title of his new book is reportedly, Father's and Son's: How my Father continues to Influence My Life In a Positive Way and it Ticks Me Off! The publishing date is scheduled for Father's Day 2009.

Seriously though, Happy Late Father's Day Dad. I love you!

And So It Begins...

Went to the park with my three boys on Memorial Day. And this is a direct quote from the twins,

"Daddy play catch with me!"

Yes indeed it was a big day for me as a Dad. For one it started my career as a crazed-sideline- coaching-parent. As I see it my kids will fulfill every wish and desire I had with professional sports and why not start right now! I want to teach my kids that sports are all hard work and discipline. If they want to have fun they can play patty-cake later. They must remember that the only way they will be able to afford college and please their father when they grow up is to play for the Cubs or if I'm in a generous mood the Sox. I mean just take a look at this face... ...can't you just see him in Cubby pinstripes snagging a home run by climbing the outfield ivy at Wrigley. I would love to go on but I think my vanity plates for my minivan are ready. They read CRZYDAD gotta go pick them up.